My Heart was Swimming in Words Gathered by the Wind (5/8)

[astrangestorm]

The temple’s main hall boasted a long, low oak table and cushions that had seen better days. The ravenous appetites of Lord Shingo’s guardians were dominating the table, Lord Shingo himself seated at the head of the table like a god on earth. Every few moments he’d stare in confusion at Becky, at Sho. Even when Sho had tried to engage him in conversation, Lord Shingo had talked over him. It was Lord Shingo’s generosity that had treated them all to dinner that evening, and he wasn’t going to let them forget it.

Their own party, now seven, was crammed at the opposite end and eating the temple’s humble meal of fried shrimp and soup in an awkward silence. Aiba himself was fidgeting on his cushion throughout the meal, seated at Nino’s side and across from Ohno. Becky, Keiko, and Jun hadn’t said a word to him yet. Upon Aiba’s arrival, the three of them had gathered their things and headed inside to check out the basement room and cots that had been assigned to them. Ohno and Sho had followed after, greeting Aiba with polite nods before hurrying away.

That had left Nino and Aiba to stand outside, Nino with his hands shoved in his pockets and Aiba looking like he’d seen a ghost. Instead of forcing an answer out of his friend immediately, Nino had launched into own his tale of woe. Ohno and Sho’s neverending stay at the shop, the arrival of the trio from Dazaifu, the attack on Heiankyo, the fire, the decision to join the pilgrimage. He recounted it all, telling Aiba everything that had happened, watching him for any sort of reaction.

When he’d finally gotten his friend caught up, after Aiba had finished apologizing about his delay, he finally got talking. First, his caravan was temporarily disbanded. He’d paid Maruyama and Nishikido’s wages for the next few months, and they’d gone to Mikawa to find another protection detail. Aiba himself had stayed in Kameyama, the town Tsumi had visited, with Lord Murakami for the past few weeks. Three-quarters of the town’s populace had been killed, most of the buildings leveled. He’d given his wagon to the town, his oxen too, as well as the potions that he’d promised Nino.

“I’m sorry,” Aiba said meekly. “But the ones left behind needed them more.”

Lord Shingo had wanted to relocate everyone to Sekijuku Temple and then escort them on to Mikawa, but the citizens of Kameyama were as stubborn as most people in Wakoku. They were staying. They were rebuilding. They would remain there in the place where their loved ones had passed on, praying they would be watched over now.

“And now here you are at the temple without a wagon,” Nino said.

“Yup,” Aiba said flippantly.

“So.”

“Hmm?”

Nino rolled his eyes. “So you care to explain how you know Becky?”

The past that Aiba had kept hidden for years, the past Nino had never asked him about, came pouring out of him. Aiba Masaki was born in Dazaifu. What a small world Wakoku was. His parents were still living there, a brother too. He’d grown up alongside the children in Matsumoto Ritsuko’s care. He’d trained in sword fighting at the dojo with Jun (Clumsy Aiba? A swordsman?). He’d swum in the clear lagoons. He’d built castles in the sand with Keiko.

And Becky…

“She and I…” Aiba’s voice trailed off.

Nino’s eyes widened. “You and Becky…wait, you and Becky? You and Becky?”

Aiba’s demeanor darkened the slightest bit. “You’re saying she wouldn’t go for someone like me?”

“Aiba-san, I do not wish to have this knowledge of your love life,” he mumbled, although now it wasn’t ever going to go away. But it made sense. It made a kind of sense that astounded him. From the first moments they’d met, Becky’s cheerful nature had reminded him so much of Aiba. And yet he’d never even mentioned his name to them. He was simply the friend who brought supplies once in a while. But something had gone wrong. From the way Becky had looked at him and the shell-shocked look in Aiba’s face even now, something had gone very wrong.

“Even though I don’t want to know,” Nino said, pinching the bridge of his nose, “for the sake of the group’s morale and continued happiness, perhaps you ought to tell me what happened between you two so I can sort things out while we’re here.”

“She’s a Sin Eater,” Aiba said plainly. “And I’ve known it since I was a kid. I knew what it meant, but I loved her anyway.”

Love, hearing the word ‘love’ fall so easily from Aiba’s lips reaffirmed that he was being truthful.

“She was the only one in Dazaifu for the longest time, so I liked that. It meant she would never leave, she couldn’t go on pilgrimage and leave the island without a Sin Eater. So when we were teenagers we were…well, you said you don’t need that kind of detail and she’d probably be mad if I told a stranger about it, no offense.”

Nino almost wanted to imply that he and Becky weren’t really strangers by now, but he held his tongue. He didn’t want to give Aiba the wrong impression.

“She and I were together,” Aiba explained, “and I guess I just had the worst timing because I was going to ask her to marry me. Ha, I was so stupid, I was only 22, and…” Nino could see the sadness as it came roaring back, contorting Aiba’s peaceful face with the bad memories. “We found out that one of the boys in the village, he’d just turned 10 you know, we found out that he was a Sin Eater. And she decided then and there that she wanted to train for a pilgrimage someday.”

Nino nodded. “And then?”

“And then,” Aiba said, chuckling bitterly. “I…I guess I didn’t take it that well. You know me now, Nino, but I could be a jerk sometimes when I was younger. More hot-headed and impulsive. I got selfish. I thought that she’d pick me over a pilgrimage. And when she didn’t, when she chose her own way even after all the time we’d been together…” He shut his eyes, looking ashamed. “I told her to die, Nino. Right to her face, I said if she wanted to go off on a pilgrimage and die to be my guest and get it over with. It was horrible, the worst possible thing you could say. And there’s no forgiveness for something like that. So I left.”

“Left where?”

“The island. That night even, after I’d said those terrible things to her. I left Dazaifu and I never went back.” He was crying openly now, tears streaking his tanned face in shame. “I told her to die. The person I loved, I just told her to die, Nino.”

“You were a kid,” Nino hinted, remembering how he’d been at that age, remembering how easily he’d let emotions guide him. “Relatively speaking.”

His hands were in his hair, and he was gulping back sobs, not seeming to care if everyone in the courtyard saw him. “I told her to die.” He’d looked around, flustered. “I should go. I should get out of here. She shouldn’t have to see my face.”

“And where are you going to go without a wagon? Without anything but the clothes on your back? You gave everything else away.” Nino now had an explanation why the Aiba before him was so different from the Aiba of Dazaifu. The friend who was selfless to a fault, who helped anyone without question. He wanted forgiveness for betraying the person he loved, even if he never saw her again. But now here she was.

Aiba hadn’t had an answer to Nino’s question. His only plans had been to stay on at the temple and see if he could be of use. He was sharing quarters with one of Lord Murakami’s guardians. The meal passed slowly, Aiba barely touching his food. Nino tried to meet Becky’s eyes, the faces of her guardians. They only looked at their bowls, eating more out of necessity than anything.

The plates were being cleared when Lord Shingo raised his cup at the head of the table. “Tomorrow we leave for the next stage of our journey. I pray that we remain in good health and spirits. We wish the same for our friends.”

The guardians ringing the table raised a hearty cheer, and the slightly more pathetic end of the table could only raise their cups and mumble a thank you.

“And to Aiba-kun,” Lord Shingo said, smiling. “For your kindness and generosity, we thank you. My Lady Becky, have you two been introduced? You’ll never meet a better man in Wakoku. He would be an asset to your party, small as it is…”

Before Lord Shingo could continue, Becky was up from her cushion, bowing. “I’m sorry, please excuse me, Lord Shingo.”

Aiba shrunk in his seat, shutting his eyes as Becky fled the hall, an apologizing Keiko at her heels.

“Something I said?” Lord Shingo asked, looking rather insulted.

“She’s just tired, it’s been a long journey,” Sho said politely, doing his best to ease the tension in the room. It didn’t work for long because in seconds Jun was leaving the table, nearly knocking his cup over in his haste to leave.

Ohno offered Lord Shingo a weak smile. “Good shrimp. Thanks for paying.”

—

When the meal had finally, mercifully ended, Nino managed to pull Sho and Ohno aside, giving them the short version of Aiba’s story.

“Wait, Aiba-chan and Becky?” Ohno repeated, smiling until Sho nudged him with his elbow.

The scene in the basement (crawl space, more like) of Sekijuku Temple was not a pleasant one. Jun was standing outside the door, arms crossed. It was quiet behind him, so at least Becky wasn’t tearing the room apart, though she probably had every right to want to. Aiba’s appearance after so long had to have come as quite a shock.

“He’s not a bad person,” Nino said to Jun, not sure why he felt such an urgent need to defend his friend. “It’s been a long time, he’s grown up.”

Jun scowled at him. “He told you what he said to her?”

“He did,” Nino admitted, feeling Aiba’s pain like it was his own. “He hates himself for it. He’s hated himself for years, Jun-kun.”

Jun shifted his weight to his other foot, trying to keep an even temper. “Well good. He should.”

“Jun-kun,” Ohno interrupted. “Everybody makes mistakes, and Aiba-chan…”

Jun stopped him, holding up his hand. “I don’t need to hear anything more, thanks. He was my friend, my best friend, and he hurt her because he was selfish. And then instead of being a man and apologizing, he ran away. You don’t need to explain Aiba Masaki to me.”

Jun’s overprotective feelings toward Keiko, toward Becky, made even more sense now. He wasn’t just an older brother to them, it went far deeper than that. It went back to Aiba’s betrayal, the abrupt end of their friendship. Aiba had broken Becky’s heart, and Jun wouldn’t let it happen again.

“Well we all need a good night’s rest,” Sho said. “And as stressful as this is for you, and I’m sorry for it, we need to move on.”

“Of course, sensei, I know you need your beauty sleep,” Jun said a bit sharply, stepping aside so Sho could enter the room. Sho took Jun’s comment in stride and Ohno followed him, closing the door behind them.

Nino stayed in the hall, staring up at Jun. He suspected the guardian had not always been so easily prone to anger. Aiba’s actions had clearly hurt him too. “I’ve known him for six years. He’s been the most annoying person in my life for six years,” he said.

Jun bit his lip, nodding despite himself.

“He’s a pain in the ass. He sounds like a dying animal when he laughs. He’s been my best friend…” Nino thought he could see tears start to form in Jun’s eyes, but he looked away, keeping up his lame tough guy act even now. “I wasn’t there, I didn’t grow up with him like you did, but don’t you think after all this time…don’t you think you should at least talk to him? Can you really go off to the Nihonbashi knowing you had this chance and didn’t take it?”

“Ninomiya, shut up,” Jun was mumbling, his shoulders trembling the slightest bit. “Please just…be quiet.”

Why he was interfering with all this messy drama, Nino didn’t know. He just needed to get to Mikawa, needed to start over and forget all of this. He gave up, leaving them alone. He found Aiba outside by the short stone wall that looked out at the sea. It was a beautiful night, the full moon shining across the water. So peaceful and calm you’d never know if Tsumi was out there, waiting.

“What’s the plan then?” Nino asked, giving Aiba a shove when he approached.

It was obvious he’d been out here crying. Aiba’s sensitive soul had been wounded, reopening an injury he’d inflicted on himself nearly ten years ago. “Ah, Nino,” Aiba said, sniffling a bit and rubbing his nose against his sleeve hastily. “Hey there, what’s up?”

“You don’t need to play that guy for me now,” he said quietly. “It’s just me.”

Aiba nodded, staring out at the vast ocean. How far did it go? Nobody had ever been able to find out. The fear of Tsumi kept those ambitions at bay quite easily. “Maybe I’ll go with Shingo-kun. He’s got some good guys, strong too. They’ve been teaching me, in my down time. I used to be pretty good with a sword, but you get rusty after a while…”

“That’s what Jun said.”

At the mention of Jun’s name, Aiba inhaled sharply. All of this pain he’d kept hidden from Nino for years, hiding it behind that smile, that positive attitude. The Aiba he’d known for six years. How much of that person was real? How much of it was an act? Despite himself, Nino reached out, wrapping his arm around Aiba’s waist. He had always seemed so steady, as though nothing could bother him. Nino didn’t like to see Aiba this way. He wanted him in full-on annoying mode, laughing and joking and calling him a cheapskate.

Aiba leaned in to Nino’s touch as though it was the only thing keeping him upright. “I’m sorry about your shop.”

“So am I.” He fumbled around in his pocket, held up the lump of metal that had been his entire savings. It was barely visible in the moonlight. “Look at this, all I have left.”

Aiba chuckled. “You could use it as a weapon, knock something in the head. Although you don’t strike me as a close quarters fighter.”

“I’m not a fighter at all,” he pointed out. “Becky has me pulling her cart. All day, every day, she’s got me as her little servant boy.”

Aiba’s laughter was more genuine, upbeat. “That sounds like her. She was always good at getting people to do her bidding without it sounding like an order.”

Aiba changed the subject, telling Nino more about the people he’d met in Kameyama, their resilience and ability to survive, to carry on after losing everything. It was growing late when they heard footsteps on the stones behind them, the pair of them turning to find Becky standing there, having put on one of Jun’s jackets over her clothes to keep warm. It left her looking tiny.

Her voice broke the silence. “Can I speak to Aiba-kun please?”

Nino turned, looking between them. Aiba looked ready to run or to throw up, whichever his body felt like doing first. Becky was far calmer than she’d been earlier that evening. Nino cleared his throat. “Does Jun know you’re out here?”

“Kei-chan’s here, it’s fine.” She gestured over her shoulder, and only then did Nino and Aiba see Keiko leaning back against the wall of the temple. She wiggled her fingers in greeting. “She’s there mostly to keep me from knocking you into the ocean,” Becky explained, looking up at Aiba defiantly.

Aiba allowed himself a tiny smile. “I always swam better than all of you. Go right ahead.”

Becky’s face was sad, but even this seemed to raise her spirits the slightest bit. Nino merely nodded to each of them, letting the two of them talk. They had a lot of catching up to do. When he reached Keiko, he could see how concerned she was. “You think she’s going to stab him or something?”

“No,” Keiko replied, shaking her head. “And I’m the one he should be worried about.”

Nino chuckled at that, turning to head back inside. Even a cot sounded nicer than the cold rock he’d slept on lately. When he reached the door, he turned to look back. There in the moonlight, Becky and Aiba were standing side by side looking out at the ocean, together for the first time in nearly 10 years.

—

Lord Shingo and his massive group tied up the temple’s baths the entire morning as they prepared to head out. The decision had been made to just let all of them go on ahead. If there were any particular nasties on the northeastern end of the Sekijuku Road, then at least Lord Shingo and his party would dispatch them. It would make their journey a lot safer.

They departed just before noon, leaving the temple quiet and solemn once more. Nino had been half-asleep in his cot trying to ignore Sho’s loud snoring when Becky and Keiko had returned during the night. When Nino finally got moving, however, he didn’t expect to see Aiba lounging around in the temple baths.

“Why are you still here?” Nino asked in surprise, rinsing himself off with water from one of the wooden buckets in the men’s bathing area. Aiba was in the hot bath, arms out at his sides in complete bliss. “I thought you were going with Murakami.”

“They’re not the right fit for me. They’re kind of arrogant too. They think Becky and Sho-chan don’t stand a chance. I don’t know why it even matters to them. Sin Eaters should cheer each other on.”

“If you say so,” Nino replied, feeling much cleaner already. They took every opportunity along the road to get clean, but nothing really beat a nice hot bath.

Aiba got out as soon as Nino got in, saying nothing else. By the time Nino was out, dressed, and exiting the temple to enter the courtyard, Becky was tapping her foot impatiently since he was the last one out the door.

“There you are, finally,” Keiko complained, adjusting her quiver on her back.

Aiba had helped Ohno and Sho bring the cart out from the temple shed while Jun was holding their weapons in his arms, setting them down. Becky looked at each of them briefly, her gaze lingering longest on Jun and Keiko.

“It’s been decided that Aiba-kun will be joining us. He’s asked to serve as my guardian, and I said yes,” Becky said to the collection of shocked faces. Well, Aiba himself didn’t look so shocked. And Nino should have noticed right away how he was standing a bit taller, the more serious expression he had adopted. It seemed the two of them had had quite the productive chat the night before.

“Becky,” Jun started, but she silenced him with only a look.

“He’s going to need a weapon. Jun, do you have anything he can use?”

Jun gritted his teeth. He carried at least four swords with him, cleaning them methodically every night save for their time spent here at Sekijuku. They’d been made by the only smith in Dazaifu, some of the only gifts that had been donated to Becky’s pilgrimage. So of course Jun had a spare sword, but he didn’t look eager to give one away. But he obeyed without further complaint, picking up one of the scabbards he’d set down and tossing it. Aiba caught it easily, as if it was something he’d done many times before. Perhaps he and Jun had, many years ago.

“Thanks,” Aiba said sincerely, trying to meet Jun’s gaze and failing. He tucked the scabbard into the belt at his waist, adjusting it so it matched how Jun carried his. Seeing this, Ohno made a few adjustments of his own, blushing.

“Now that that’s settled,” Becky said firmly, “Sho-kun and I are going to pray for guidance, and we can leave.”

Jun and Keiko checked the supplies while Nino moved to his friend’s side.

“You’re a guardian now?”

Aiba nodded. “I was just going to apologize to her and move on, but I guess I just blurted it out…”

“You have a tendency to volunteer yourself, Aiba-san.”

He stood proudly though, hand resting on the sword’s handle. “I was cruel. This is the way to make up for it.”

“You know what a pilgrimage means.”

He nodded. “I should have supported her from day one, just like Jun and Keiko-chan did. I don’t expect her to forgive me yet, but in time, maybe she will.”

“You’ll die for her. A woman you haven’t seen in years.”

He shrugged. “You told me once, Nino, that scary story about the guardians who didn’t die…”

“A ghost story, to frighten kids. My grandmother made it all up!”

“But what if it’s true?” The look in Aiba’s eyes was similar to the one that had been in Ohno’s when he’d talked about Sho’s grand scheme, where the guardians’ lives would be spared. Nino thought it was a foolish idea all around, but if it kept them moving, if it got Aiba to volunteer and be one more person to keep Becky safe, he supposed it wasn’t a bad idea.

Becky took a last look at Sekijuku Temple, her arm linked through Sho’s this time. He’d finally caught on to what she was doing, had decided that he’d been taking it all for granted. Everyone gave them all the time they wanted to look. When they returned to the cart though they were all smiles, ready for the next step of their journey with no tears.

—

The Sekijuku Road curved away from the sea for a while past the temple, a steeper climb cut through the rock. More shelter from Tsumi, but a more treacherous road. But Aiba’s presence had brought a strange joy to the pilgrimage that hadn’t been there before. Though his former friends from Dazaifu were still a bit wary of him, Jun the most of all, Sho and Ohno loved him. They passed the time along the road, Nino grumbling with the cart, with dirty jokes, trying to top one another in the filthiest ones they’d heard. The dirtiest ones were often those Aiba had heard in the sake houses he’d visited in his travels.

When Jun had started to complain, to clearly hint that Aiba’s jokes weren’t for women’s ears, it was Becky who laughed the loudest, nearly collapsing against Keiko in her delight. Seeing this, Jun had actually inclined his head in Aiba’s direction, as if to say “thank you.” It was good to hear Becky laugh.

Aiba knew the route like the back of his hand, finding wild berries and vegetables, steering them to campsites he’d personally used. While they rested each night, Jun found himself with two students now, a steadily improving Ohno and a hasty, out-of-practice Aiba. It was Aiba who now absorbed the blunt of Jun’s wrath, getting thumped in the ass with a practice sword nine times out of ten. Ohno seemed grateful to be off the hook for once. Since Aiba had a background in fighting, he knew what to do, but he didn’t strategize. He was quick to draw the blade from his scabbard and quick to strike. Already he’d been gnawed on by multiple creatures, unabsolved and not. While Becky kept an eye on Sho, guiding him through his trance, she was usually trying not to laugh at the sight of a whining Aiba getting a potion dumped on him by an annoyed Keiko.

By the time they took the ferry across Lake Hamana to Mikawa a week later, the team was a bit of a well-oiled machine, a bitten-up Aiba notwithstanding. Lord Shingo and his party were in town, having arrived a few days prior. His massive party was staying at the city’s central temple, although Aiba, a regular in town, had better plans for them.

Mikawa’s old town, a scattering of buildings along the lakeshore and the sea a few miles beyond, was sparsely inhabited. In a Calm the area usually consisted of shanty towns set up by travelers making the long trip from Heiankyo to Odawara or vice versa. Mikawa was the halfway point and often the place where they ran out of money and couldn’t survive the Sekijuku Road without more supplies.

The new town, a marvel of engineering, lay underground. There were various entry checkpoints throughout the city, heavy doors that could be shut to keep out any flooding if Tsumi made himself known. Of all the large cities in Wakoku, Mikawa in the past century had been attacked the most but had suffered the least amount of casualties. Heiankyo and Odawara were too set in their ways, and living underground could have an odd effect on you if you hardly came out. “Mole people” was what his parents had called them when Nino was a kid. “Mikawa people” was the euphemism in the west.

The Mikawa new town doors were wide open in a Calm, but they were closed to most outsiders now. For months at a time they’d stay underground in their strange city, waiting Tsumi out. Tunnels were barely higher than a taller man standing on his tiptoes. There was the threat of collapse in case of an earthquake, but they’d waited out tsunamis and floods alike without any loss of life. It was a twisting labyrinth of one-way paths and dark corridors punctuated at random intervals with lantern light.

But Aiba claimed to know exactly where they could go, and they pulled their cart right up to one of the entry checkpoints. There at the gate Aiba met an extremely pale fellow with a grouchy face. “Yoko, the pilgrimage. The pilgrimage, this is Yoko,” Aiba said, introducing his friend.

“Hi,” this Yoko said, squinting at them. Maybe it was hard to be working outdoors in the bright sun if they lived underground so much. He looked bored, fumbling with a pair of wooden chopsticks that had apparently come with his ramen lunch that day, the remnants of which were on the table beside him in the checkpoint booth. “Official or unofficial?”

“Unofficial,” all seven of them said in unison.

At this, Yoko let out an odd little chuckle. “Aiba-kun, you’re so weird.” Said the mole person. “Where you going anyhow? It’s a lot to account for, seven outsiders.”

“Only six outsiders, and one Aiba!” Aiba said proudly, and you could almost hear Jun’s eyes rolling behind him. “Nagase got any vacancies?”

Yoko sighed. “What do you want to stay with that guy for? He’s nuts.” Again, Nino thought, said the mole person.

“I take it that means he has the space?” Aiba asked.

Yoko opened the drawer in his small booth, pulling out seven small paper cards. He stamped each of them and handed them over. “Maru and Nishiki have already come and gone. Got hired by that Murakami guy, they’re up top here at the temple.”

Aiba turned, handing each of them one of the stamped cards. It was a “New Town Visitor” card, granting them access for the next week. It seemed that the count of people underground was strictly controlled.

“Murakami?” Sho asked, flabbergasted. “He already has sixteen guardians.”

“Oh, he didn’t hire them to be guardians,” Yoko explained. “They’ll be pulling his supply carts. Apparently they saw some strange guy doing that back at Sekijuku and thought it was a brilliant idea, good way to keep his guardians from overexerting themselves.”

Becky reached out and grabbed Nino’s hand, squeezing it and trying not to laugh. “You’re the best, Nino,” she whispered to him. “Don’t let anyone tell you differently.”

Nino kept his irritation to himself as Yoko sighed his way out of the booth to unlock the gate. It was heavy, and another town patrolman on duty had to help him get it open. Nino had only passed through Mikawa on his previous trip. He’d never been to the new city before. When the gate scraped open, it seemed pitch black inside, but Yoko guided them in, leaving his colleague to man the booth.

“Aiba knows this, not that he ever listens to me, but here’s what you need to know. No fires on your own. We have central cafeteria-style halls if you wish to eat. No personal excavation. That means, Guardian-san in the back digging your nose, I see you, no digging for gold. Water is strictly rationed for drinking, but we’re blessed with some natural hot springs, so bathing time is a great time. That’s the line I have to say, don’t look at me.”

Yoko led them forward onto a wooden platform, whistling to a team of men down below who cranked a wheel. An elaborate system of pulleys brought the platform down, all eight of them and the cart too, with no problems. Their eyes slowly started adjusting to the darkness below the surface.

They got off the platform, and Yoko remained, gesturing for the team below to send him back up. As the pulleys cranked into gear once more, he wrapped up his explanation, his annoyed voice fading as he drifted back to the surface. “No fighting. Grounds for expulsion. No murdering. Grounds for expulsion. No public drunkenness. It’s just not nice, don’t do it. Welcome to Mikawa New Town!”

When Yoko was gone, Aiba chuckled. “He’s a good guy.”

The rest of them exchanged a worried glance, but Aiba led the way through the tunnels. They weren’t high but they were wide enough that the cart could get through and someone could still pass around them. The tunnels were marked with arrows and signs, and children raced to and fro around them, hurrying by. Some of the tunnels widened out into large rooms, underground caves that had been incorporated into the tunnel network. There they saw one of the cafeterias, long rows of tables and pale but pretty wait staff walking up and down the aisles to freshen water cups and bring out bowls of food.

It was a good twenty minute walk before they arrived at a doorway, a heavy iron door grafted into the rock. Aiba knocked a handful of times, and they waited. Nino could tell that some of them were feeling claustrophobic already, but he was kind of enjoying this a lot. After all, he’d spent a long time in a small amount of space. It didn’t bother him that much. It was a good thing he was planning to make Mikawa his final destination for a while. He could fit in down here.

The door finally opened, revealing a very tall, burly fellow who had to duck under his own doorway to greet them. “Aiba-chan!” he bellowed, wrapping Aiba up in a massive hug and not letting go. Jun looked ready to turn around and leave entirely, to try their luck back on the surface, but Ohno’s grin seemed to keep him from saying anything.

Finally the man let Aiba go, allowing him to breathe and explain the situation. However, the man had crushed the air out of him, leaving someone else to step up. Their unofficial group diplomat, Sho, spoke up. “Hello there, my name is Sho of Heiankyo’s House Sakurai. I’m a Sin Eater, and this is…”

“Come on in, House Heiankyo, everybody inside. Aiba, bring the stuff around back, I’ll open a place for ya.”

Sho, having been interrupted so easily, stood there with his mouth open, stunned. Keiko leaned forward with a wicked grin, poking at his chin with her finger to close his mouth again. “The man said go inside, Sho-kun,” she said, pushing him forward.

“She’s a brave one. Maybe she was a Mikawa person in a past life,” Becky murmured, stepping through the doorway after them. Jun, hand on his sword in suspicion, followed her. That left Aiba and Ohno to grab hold of the cart and take off down the tunnel, presumably to where this strange man had storage space. Nino, more curious about the man than about where the cart was going, stepped over the threshold and entered the space.

By all rights, the place was an inn. Though Nino had expected it to be cold with all the caves underground, the room was warm and comfortable. “Hot springs, natural heat!” the man said proudly, tugging his yukata closed and tying the sash tighter. He’d apparently just been woken from a nap. The room was solid rock, though there were rugs all along the floor and tapestries hung on the walls to give the illusion of it being a normal room.

There was a check-in counter that had been carved out of the rock, and a staircase at the rear that presumably led to an upper level. A curtain behind the check-in counter was probably where Aiba’s friend stayed. “Hold on,” the guy said, running a hand through his closely-cropped hair, bounding around the counter. “Gotta let Aiba bring your stuff inside. Got a private space in back here, you just give a shout if you need me to unlock it for ya.”

He disappeared behind his curtain, and Keiko dumped her bow and quiver on the floor and plopped down on a pile of cushions the man had stacked in the corner of his reception area. Her face was blissful as she lay back on them, shutting her eyes and shoving her arms out to her sides. “I love this,” she was saying, nearly drowning in cushions. “So soft! I’m sleeping down here!”

Jun sighed, going over to pick a cushion up. “You’re weirder than the innkeeper,” he said with a chuckle, dumping the cushion on her face.

She pulled it off, sticking her tongue out at him. Dazaifu must have been an interesting place to grow up. “Becky! It’s like the pillow forts we used to make at Auntie’s. Get over here!”

Becky, laughing, took hold of Sho’s arm and pulled him over to the cushion pile, shoving him down. The little “eek” of surprise he let out set off a round of giggles from both ladies. He was in the middle, Keiko and Becky to either side. Nino watched, feeling a tad envious as Sho lay there, Keiko taking one of the cushions and fanning his face with it. It had been a long road from Sekijuku Temple. They needed a break like this.

The innkeeper emerged from behind the curtain, Ohno and Aiba following behind a few moments later. Instead of yelling at them for disturbing his cushions, he smiled. “Wow, House Heiankyo, you look like the luckiest man in Wakoku.”

“House Sakurai,” Sho corrected, opening his eyes and blushing instantly when he saw Keiko curled up so close. She set the cushion down on his face to hide his embarrassment.

“Aiba says there’s two of you Sin Eaters. So that’s two Sin Eaters, and five guardians…” He scratched his head, opening a ledger he had at the counter. “So the discount on that, plus the ‘Aiba is my friend so you get another percentage off’ discount…”

“I’m not a guardian,” Nino protested.

“Yes you are,” Becky insisted from the cushion fort. “Full guardian discount for that one, sir, thank you!”

“Of course, my lady Sin Eater,” the innkeeper said happily. Where had Aiba found this guy? Nobody else seemed to be here, but this was one of the friendliest people in Wakoku. Loud, but friendly. No wonder Aiba liked him. The guy was like his twin, but twice his size.

“Unofficial pilgrimage discount,” Aiba chimed in. “You got one of those?”

His friend gave him a shove. “This is still a business, you know, I have to make money.”

Jun leaned down, yanking Sho’s money pouch from where it hung at his waist since he wasn’t getting up yet. “Disgusting,” he was snickering to himself as he went up to the counter to pay the innkeeper.

His name was Nagase Tomoya, born and raised in Mikawa. He’d lived up top for years (which explained why he wasn’t as pale as most of the others down there) until a friend of his went off to be a guardian, leaving the underground inn to him. Because Mikawa only saw visitors during a Calm, business was hard. Nino could sympathize with the man there.

The discount, in Nino’s mind, seemed especially generous, and they decided to stay three days to rest up and would decide their next steps from there. The journey to Odawara was slightly longer than the journey they’d already undertaken from Heiankyo. As they all settled in, the women taking one room and the five men taking the larger room Nagase had, Nino wondered how he was going to break the news.

To reaffirm that he wasn’t a guardian, and that his time in their company was about to end.

—

It soon became clear why Nagase-san didn’t seem to have a lot of customers. Underground, they didn’t have the sunrise or sunset to keep time. Instead Nagase woke them all in the morning by singing loudly. For such a large man, his voice was surprisingly high and alarmingly nasal. He sang noisy drinking songs that were better suited to pubs than inns at the apparent crack of dawn. Ohno managed to sleep through most of it, but Jun was awake and pounding on the door in seconds for the innkeeper to shut up.

This strategy only succeeded in waking the women up, an angry Becky and Keiko coming to the door, screeching as they pounded on the door from the other side.

“You should all just shut up,” Nino grumbled, pulling his blanket up and over his head. “I hate all of you very much.”

“And after we got you that guardian discount,” Sho teased, rolling over in his futon.

This silenced Nino for a while. He’d decided to tell them that night so they had their final day to plan their route and figure out how they’d manage with six instead of seven. They’d save on food, at least.

While Keiko stayed in her cushion fort with her bow that day, applying beeswax to her bowstring with precision and tending to her arrows, the others headed off for the famed hot springs. Nagase continued his singing, cleaning around Keiko without complaint before heading upstairs to clean up their rooms. Nino watched Keiko work for a good long while before she looked up at him, sighing.

“What?” She’d always been rather direct and blunt. Jun, with the teasing only a big brother could get away with, sometimes referred to her as “Sir” Keiko because of it.

“It’s interesting,” Nino admitted.

“I could teach you,” she said, dipping her forefinger and thumb back in her beeswax to take care of her bowstring. “If you want. I may look scary from time to time, but I wouldn’t be like Jun-kun.”

“I…I don’t know about that,” he hesitated.

She grinned. “We’ll have to build up the muscles in your arms a bit, make sure your grip’s good for your bow hand. There’s strengthening exercises I do, they’re very easy to show you…”

“Keiko-san…”

“Hmm…?”

“I think I’m going to go to the hot springs now.”

Her face fell in disappointment, but she looked back at her bow to try and hide it. “Of course, have fun.”

He got up from where he was sitting. “Sho-kun’s never going to make a move on his own, you know.”

Nino was surprised to see her blush, even the tips of her ears turning pink. He’d been able to tell for weeks now that Keiko liked the attention Sho paid to her, but it seemed there was far more to it than any of them knew. “I thought you were going to the hot springs…”

“He’d be lucky to have you.”

With that, he turned and headed for the door. When the door closed behind him and he was back in one of the tunnels, he was annoyed with himself. What was he doing? Playing matchmaker as one last act of goodwill before he ditched them to start his new life? He sighed, following the signs that pointed the way to the hot springs. Before he could reach them, he found Becky alone on her way back. Knowing that Keiko would probably tell Becky about Nino’s meddlesome behavior, he stopped her in her tracks with a smile.

“Hey.”

“Hey,” she said in reply, wiggling her head a bit. Her hair was still wet from bathing in the springs, tied up and still dripping onto her shoulders. “What’s going on?”

“Just thought I’d see what all the fuss is about, was it nice?”

She leaned forward, squeezing his upper arm. “It was heaven. This city is ridiculous, I love it.”

Seeing someone coming by with a cart, he took her by the hand and pulled her out of the way, and they both plastered themselves against the cool tunnel wall. When he moved to let go of her hand, she squeezed it tightly instead.

“Let’s walk around, hmm? When am I going to be underground like a mole again?”

He smiled, wondering if she could sense it was forced. “Alright, let’s walk then.”

She moved her hand to rest in the crook of his arm, and they strolled lazily through the tunnels, ignoring the signs and taking whatever route they pleased. She’d grown close to him these past several weeks. Of course he’d grown closer to all of them despite his best efforts not to. But leaving Becky, leaving her smile and those big green eyes, was going to be the hardest of all.

“I like walking with you,” she said honestly. “Jun-kun doesn’t stop and look around. He always has somewhere he wants to go, another goal to reach for. And Kei-chan’s always looking for something to shoot.”

“You should walk with Ohno-kun sometime, I bet he’d be the most interesting companion of all.”

That made her smile. “He’s so…he’s so…”

“Lazy?”

“No!” she protested, knocking against his shoulder. “He goes at his own pace. It’s soothing, having someone like that around when everyone else is so intense.”

“It’s a Sin Eater pilgrimage, not a vacation.”

“Oh I know,” she replied, nudging him again. “And then there’s Aiba-kun.”

She was quiet for a while. It had been a while since they’d been reunited, the Dazaifu trio and the Dazaifu exile. Aiba hadn’t spoken much about it to Nino, but it seemed that they were warming up to him again, accepting him. But what he’d had with Becky was far different. Winning her trust again would be a trial indeed.

“Aiba-kun with his crazy underground friends,” Nino said gently.

“Exactly,” she answered. “Exactly. Ah, and you of course!”

He looked away, feeling his heart start to race. What was so special about him? “A shopkeep with no shop.”

“A guardian,” she said, the same as she had the night before but this time without a hint of joking in her voice. “A friend, too, I hope.”

They had reached a fork in the tunnel passageway, and he stopped them. There was an open square down a gentle incline, and he escorted her that way. He sat down on a bench that was carved out of rock, and she sat beside him. Instead of telling the group, he decided it was best he told her first. “Becky, I’m not your guardian.”

“Just because you haul a cart instead of stabbing things doesn’t make you any less a guardian. And if you want to stab things, then just say so because I’ve got the best person to teach you. I also know for a fact that Keiko would be happy to teach you archery and…”

“Becky, I’m not your guardian,” he repeated, gently taking her hand away from him, setting it in her lap. “I’m staying here. In Mikawa.”

She cocked her head in confusion, staring at him with those terribly pretty eyes. “What are you talking about?”

“You six go east, you go to the Nihonbashi. I’m staying here, see what favors I can get out of Nagase-san so I can get on my feet again. I’m a shopkeep, Becky, I’m not interested in being a hero at all. I’m not like you.”

He could see each word hit her hard, her smile crumbling as he rejected her. “Nino, you don’t mean that…”

“You’ve said that to me before!” he said, a little louder than he ought to. This wasn’t going well at all. He felt terrible raising his voice at her, so he tried to stay calm. It wasn’t working. “You don’t know a thing about me. I’m not interested in a pilgrimage. I’m not interested in a one-way trip, and I’m not interested in dying for no reason!”

He was making her cry now, and he didn’t know why he felt so horrible about it. She ought to have been glad for him, happy that she was going to head toward her goal without him holding them back. She ought to have been glad the selfish, lazy grump was going away and leaving her alone.

“It’s not for no reason,” she said coldly, tears slipping bitterly from her eyes. “There are many good reasons, and they outweigh the doubts. The fear.”

“Well I’m not as strong as you then, because I am overflowing with doubt. I am drowning in fear,” he insisted angrily. “I’m not going with you.”

She turned away, seeming overwhelmed. “You put up this attitude, and it’s not who you really are. You act like you don’t need anybody, and in return, you expect other people to leave you alone. If you truly felt that way, you’d have never come all this way with us. You’d have just gone to Heiankyo and told us to piss off. And if you truly felt that way, you’d have never become friends with someone like Masaki. I’ve seen you two, and you’ve changed since he’s been with us. You care about him, but you try not to show it. What I don’t understand at all is why. Why do you want to be alone?”

“I never said I wanted to be alone,” he shot back, even though she’d seen through him entirely. “I said I wasn’t going on your pilgrimage.”

He hadn’t heard her sound this angry since Nino had nearly gotten Jun killed. He had a terrific track record with Becky so far. “Aiba said you lived in that shop by yourself for eight years. That a month would go by and you’d never speak to anyone. What happened to you?”

“Becky, I’ve said what I wanted to say,” he said brusquely. “I’ve given you all the reasons I need to. I’m not here for you to cut me open and read what’s written on my soul, I’m not interested.”

“Hold on…please…”

Nino got to his feet, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I’m sorry for saying there’s no reason for your pilgrimage, and I didn’t mean it that way. I meant that it has no reason for a person like me. I hope you and Sho are able to prove all those other people wrong, just like you want. I wish you nothing but success.”

He started walking away and she tried to grab his hand. He wrenched away from her, lifting his finger. It shook as he pointed at her. He was honest with her, maybe for the first time. He knew he was crying too, but he did nothing about it.

“I’m not a person you want around. I’m not a fighter and I’m not a savior. I’m wrong, everything about me is wrong, and I’m not going to put you at risk…”

“At risk?” she exclaimed, getting to her feet. There were people observing, trying to ignore their noisy conversation in this very public place. “What are you even talking about?”

“I’m empty, Becky. I’m just a shell, not a real person, and I’ve hurt too many people I care about to ever risk doing it again.”

She didn’t know what to say, confusion marring her pretty features. He turned his back on her and he ran, hurrying through the tunnels full of an anger he didn’t know how to quell. He took a path he didn’t remember from their walk, not sure where he was even going. He could barely see, tears burning. Faces that came to him only in his dreams, in his nightmares, seemed to surround him. His grandmother, his mother, his father. Empty. Nothing. Empty. Nothing. His own face in the looking glass, ten years old and trapped inside the house.

He couldn’t breathe. The panic was making his heart race. Breathing, he just couldn’t breathe. The tunnel, the cool tunnel he’d liked so much at the outset, the darkness that must have reminded him of his many years alone, was constricting around him. Choking him. His mother’s face when she’d come home, finding him bleeding and half-conscious. His father, picking up his katana and opening the door without looking back. The priest at Odawara Jingu, telling Nino to bring his hand to the earthworm’s spirit.

He hit a dead end, solid gray stone and no way through. He hit it with his fists, over and over again. He needed to get out. He needed to get out of here. He needed air. But he was trapped. Empty. Nothing. The earthworm wriggling on the plate, his eyes black as he ripped his grandmother’s spirit, tore it away from her and lay claim to it. The Odawara gate closing behind him for good. Empty. Nothing.

He hit the wall, he hit the wall, he hit…

part six